


Before, During, After

by jturner36



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 19:40:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3741181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jturner36/pseuds/jturner36
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three short scenes with Meredith and Derek and sometimes, Doc.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before, During, After

**Author's Note:**

> Grateful thanks goes to betas HotButteredRum and indigo blue for their advice and kindness.
> 
> Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. References to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

I. Before

She shucked all her clothes, turned around to smile impishly at him, and jumped in with a yelp, drenching him in the process.

"Ah! Dammit!" Derek yelled as he pulled his shorts off and followed her in, a wicked smile on his face. "Fuck! It's cold!" He had to swim hard to catch up with her, and right before he did, he dove under and snaked his hand between her legs.

"Stop!" she demanded, trying to look and sound stern when he surfaced, but she began to laugh, enjoying his playful nature.

"I'm not gonna stop." Derek turned her around in the water and held her in his arms, supporting her as she floated atop the water. Had he ever skinny-dipped before coming here? She had, he could tell. Definitely. He looked her up and down slowly, relishing her with his eyes. "You know what, I like your nipples," he decided out loud.

Meredith smirked. "You like my nipples," she repeated.

"I do," he nodded. "They're pink. No," he corrected himself, "almost red. Light red. Like...two little raspberries." He pulled her closer to him and sucked on one briefly. "Mmm - delicious." His mouth was warm in sharp contrast to the chill of the water, and she righted herself to hold onto him, wrapping her legs around him, feeling him grow and stiffen against her body.

"They're tasty and sweet," he continued. "I love them. I like your pussy, too," Derek whispered, eyes dancing and full of mischief. "I like going down on you, making you come."

"Pussy?" Meredith pulled her head back with a questioning glare and a look of indignation. "That's what you're going to call it? A pussy?"

Subdued by her rebuke, he paused, thinking. "Well, what else should I call it? Not...well, most of the other words aren't nice. They're vulgar. I don't want to be vulgar." Derek looked at her through narrowed eyes. "You think 'pussy' is vulgar?"

Meredith laughed, unable to contain her delight at his concern. "No, I don't think 'pussy' is vulgar. I'm just amused. I'm amused that a grown man...a neurosurgeon, a doctor...would call my vagina a 'pussy.'"

Derek grinned. "Okay, so what do you call it?"

Meredith paused a moment, suppressing a smile. "A pussy," she conceded, pushing him under and splashing as she dove away toward the ladder.

Derek surfaced, sputtering. "Get back here!" he yelled before pursuing her.

She was swift and reached the ladder quickly, scrambling up before he could catch her. "It's a shame you can't swim faster," she taunted from the dock, wrapping herself up in a big, fluffy towel. "Maybe I'll have to give you some lessons."

"Lessons? Well, yes, you would need to return the favor. After my lesson last night." He smiled at the memory.

Meredith laughed and handed him a towel as well. "The shower?"

Derek tossed his towel aside, opened hers and wrapped them both inside of it. "Hmm, yes," he answered, holding her close.

With the clouds gone, it had become hot and they migrated away from the dock, leaving their clothes behind and settled on a soft patch of grass in speckled sunlight.

Meredith's head rested on his thighs. "This is nice," she sighed, as she lay in the grass, content.

"It is," he agreed quietly, caressing her naked body with his eyes.

Derek was happy. She made him happy. He liked spending time with her, sharing pieces of his day, learning little things about her. She didn't cook - at all - but she could eat almost as much as he could. When she wasn't working, she slept. There were no hobbies that he could unearth, unless you counted sex, which he did. He learned that she really liked sex, and wanted it as just as much as he wanted it, to his delight. He stroked her hair and began braiding it loosely. 

"Where did you learn to do this?" she challenged him.

He shrugged. "I told you. Nieces." He looked down at her and tilted his head, squinting. "You have freckles."

"You just noticed?"

"I notice a lot of things," he countered. I'm trying to notice everything, he thought, because I'm falling in love with you. No, he corrected himself. I'm already in love with you. He wanted to tell her, but he didn't. "I think the sun made them come out more. Look at me, Meredith." She grunted her refusal, because it was bright out and she was comfortable the way she was. "Open your eyes and look at me," he insisted, shading her face with his. She did. "Your eyes change color," he said quietly, studying her. "Sometimes they're blue. Right now, they're green. Bluish-green." He frowned, concentrating. "There's some yellow, too." He bent over her and kissed her forehead, and she closed them again. "They're really beautiful," he added, just so she knew.

Reaching up to fondle his soft, untamed mop of curls, she pulled him to her lips and kissed him softly. "Your eyes are amazing, Derek. Very blue today." She turned and kissed his abdomen, up his chest to his neck. "I want you here, right now."

"Here?" he asked as he rubbed his lips against her throat. Her naked body smelled like fresh water and sunshine.

"Yeah," she murmured, kissing his mouth, fingers playing with his chest hair. "In the grass."

Derek ran his fingers through her hair, unraveling the braid. "We don't have a condom," he reminded her.

"We don't need one."

He stopped and tilted his head, confused. "Since when? "

She looked at him sideways and answered, "I'm on the pill."

Derek raised is eyebrows in surprise. "You're on the pill? Since when? "

"I've always been on the pill," Meredith shrugged. "The pill prevents pregnancy. Condoms prevent STDs. And since you told me you haven't been sleeping with anyone else in, well, forever...."

Derek had a moment of guilt. Tell her, tell her. Tell her now.

Meredith rolled onto her back and opened her arms to him.

"Not in forever," he whispered into her mouth.

She was ready and pliant and drunk with arousal when he took her. Her body was warm, and she felt even more velvety than he'd imagined. He thrust slowly, deeply as he watched, her eyes closed, lips open. Panting softly. Floating away on the grass.

"I love making love to you." Derek bent down to kiss her. "Meredith, I love the way you feel." I love you.

She called his name when she came now. Sometimes it was a whisper, other times she yelled. But she named him. That day, in the sunshine, her voice, his name bounced off the lake and wrapped around the pines.

II. During

Just friends. That's all they were. Not boyfriend/girlfriend, not former lovers. They were just friends who happened to meet up. He just happened to be walking Doc, and she just happened to be waiting at the trail where he had just happened to tell her he would be on the day he told her he would be there.

Funny how he tried to pretend it was all happenstance.

Meredith took another sip and looked up at him. "You have no problems, huh?" she continued, knowing him better than that, but giving him the space he needed to pretend. "How's Addison?" As soon as it came out of her mouth, he winced.

Derek took the bottle from her hand and was quiet for a moment. Wrong, he wanted to admit. Everything was. He came home to the wrong woman every night, got into bed with the wrong woman. He took a swig, looking ahead at the trail. "Fine," he said quietly.

It was a lie, he knew. Things were stilted. He had to watch what he said, watch how he acted, and watch to be sure Addison didn't notice him watching Meredith. He censored his lovemaking. It was awkward sleeping with Addison, having sex in the bed where he and Meredith had been intimate. It was awkward when he would close his eyes and summon Meredith's face and body to his mind. When he would do this, or moan that, when she realized things were different. When he would open his eyes and force himself to remember that he was with his wife, not Meredith, where his heart and mind were, and sense Addison's pain. He saw it on her face: Is this how you made love to her?

But it wasn't. It really was nothing like how he made love to Meredith. Derek's world was not the same. He wasn't proud about what he was doing to Addison, but the truth remained that he was empty and sad and lonely without Meredith.

"Addison's fine," he insisted.

Doc ran ahead, stopping to bury his nose in piles of leaves and pine needles, looking back at them every once in a while to be sure they were following.

"Are you at least feeling better about the thing that you won't tell me about?" he asked, trying to lighten his mood.

"No. It's not any better."

"Good," he declared as he handed the bottle to her. "I mean, good, because then if you had told me about it, I'd feel bad right now because I didn't make it any better."

"Derek, that doesn't even make sense, because if you knew about it...." She looked up to check for Doc and stumbled on an exposed root. Derek instinctively reached for her, grasping the curve above her hips, steadying her. Meredith looked up at him sheepishly.

"You okay?" he asked, still holding on. Her eyes were so blue. And green. And beautiful.

The smile left her face and she looked serious and somewhat wistful. "I'm okay. Thanks."

He saw it there, naked. Clear. Don't let go of me yet. Hold me. Kiss me.

He couldn't kiss her, but he could gaze at her lips. Fantasize. It took a beat too long, maybe, for him to let go of her with his hands. But not with his eyes. His heart didn't let go either as it battled his conscience for propriety's sake. Derek remembered holding her hips from behind, spreading her apart, pulling her into his body, pushing himself into hers. Making her whimper and crash back into him.

Making love to Meredith was easy. Forgetting about making love to her was not.

He took the bottle from her, pressed it to his lips and drank, wishing he could taste her. He swallowed hard. "Okay," Derek whispered, as she walked ahead.

III. After

The soil is loamy and soft at first, which is a good thing, because Derek feels the pressure of time. Time he needs to shower and get ready for that idiotic prom. Time to dig this grave and give Doc a proper burial. Time before the dog's body.... He just had very little time to get this done.

The clearing by the trailer. She knew the spot as soon as he'd mentioned it. Overlooking the water. She knew why he'd said it, too. It was that warm August afternoon. The day after they'd slept together in his trailer for the first time. He had cooked for her - breakfast, true, but she devoured it, and it was so nice to have her there. They showered together, cleaned up together, and took a long walk to the dock. When they made love on the grass and he had felt closer to her than anyone he'd ever known. He knew that he was in deep, so deep that he was afraid to tell her the truth. He was afraid that he'd lose her. He'd had so little of her, really. Just a few weeks, a few short weeks before Addison came and everything exploded.

Derek jammed the shovel angrily into the earth. Meredith should be here with him for this. He was their dog. Meredith had crumbled earlier at Finn's. Her face, her entire being, her emotions were raw and inside out. He wanted to let go of Doc and hold her, feel her body against his, let her cry and just hold her. He had touched her hand, even though he wasn't allowed to touch her, and he felt that brief contact throughout his body. It made him want more.

Finn. Fuck.

Beads of sweat flew off Derek's face and ran down his arms as he plunged the shovel, slamming it over and over again, grunting with frustration. Finn could love her, he had loved her. He could hear her laugh and hold her hand; know what she smelled like after her shower, and after making love. Finn could share her warmth under the covers as she molded herself to him in the morning, snuggling close and sighing. He knows surrender when Meredith drops to her knees, unbuttoning and taking, how sweet and demanding her mouth is, how she makes you want to drop to your own and beg for more. Her body, so tiny and slight, knows how to please. She knows how to please. Finn could love her, touch her, feel the softness and the wonder that is Meredith beneath him, writhing, moving. Did she moan his name now?

Fuck.

Finn was there, and Derek was here, burying Doc alone in the land of not allowed to hold her, not allowed to love her. In the land of choosing wrong.

He crouched down near the ground and pulled the blanket back. The animal was lifeless, and it struck Derek's heart. "I'm sorry, Doc. I'm sorry you got sick." Derek smoothed his fur and toyed with his collar. "And I'm sorry we couldn't fix you. But thanks. Thanks for...love. It was unconditional, wasn't it? And thanks for...for giving me some time with her. She really loved you. If things were different, she'd be here, too. You know she'd be here with us." Derek took a few more moments to stroke his face, to prepare his body, and then wrapped him up and eased Doc into the grave.

It took him only minutes to finish.

Derek walked back to the trailer, and brushed the dirt off of his sleeves, clearing his jeans and boots as well. When he opened the door, he saw that Addison had already showered and dressed, and was finishing her makeup. "Where were you?" she asked him over her shoulder.

"Outside. With Doc."

She turned to him solemnly "Did you...?"

"Yeah," Derek replied quietly.

"What's that?" she asked, gesturing to his hand.

Derek looked down. "Doc's collar." He fondled it briefly. "I thought that maybe...maybe since he was Meredith's first and she wasn't here that maybe she'd want it." He sighed and looked at her. "I don't know, maybe."

Addison smiled at him. "It's a nice gesture, Derek."

Derek nodded. "You look pretty," he offered, because she did, and it was the right thing to do.

"Thanks," she smiled back gratefully. "Are you sure you want to go, Derek? We could stay home. I know Richard said we all needed to go, but we could just stay home. We could claim the flu and just stay home together. Maybe...?" She raised her eyebrows and smiled.

Maybe get in bed. Derek sighed. "We have to go, Addison." Because she will be there. And she has freckles and blue eyes that are sometimes green. And because I buried our dog alone today. And I was nasty to her when she didn't deserve it. And most of all, because I can't stand it when he is with her and I'm not. "We have to."

Derek closed his eyes and took a deep breath before entering the shower.


End file.
